chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Foreshadowing???

I've been really happy...isn't it funny how journals don't ever seem to get written in during the good times?? I guess the fact that I haven't spent much time alone is a major factor in that. I saw Evanescence the other nite. They were way better live than I expected since they're all kind of computerized or whatever sounding. They played Metallica and Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins...it was pretty cool. Mostly we've just been hanging out, having drinks, watching movies, and eating out and talking...oh and having lots of awesome sex, of course! It's honestly like hanging out with me, only exciting. And fun and interesting.

Last night, though, he was a little melancholy for a moment and somehow it all led me to believe that he cheated on me in Georgia. And part of me thinks it's no big deal and that I don't even really need to know and who cares, because things are different now, but the other part remembers all this stuff from the beginning of me and H and how it never really ended. Eventually he just became ok with fucking me over. I don't want to be easygoing to the degree that my life suffers for it, but at the same time, I don't want to be an idiot either. I mean, it's not like I ever told Luis about Eric. As far as he's concerned, he's my highest number...so what right do I really have to judge him over that? But I do know that I need to make a point of not being too cool about things that piss me off or make me twinge. Intuition really is powerful and usually leads to something. So. For now I think I'll just chill and let things go however they go and if I end up feeling like I'm out of the loop, then I'll just have to cut him loose, although the thought of doing that just completely breaks me down...maybe I'm just a little scared.

11:46 p.m. - 2003-09-02
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