chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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I really gotta get it together!

I'm doing it again. This happens sometimes. It's like I just give up and go away and no matter what I do I can't get things back. I haven't been going to work and everything pretty much doesn't matter anymore. I don't know if it's stress that causes it or if it's depression or what, but I forget about it when it's not happening. I remember that it was more constant when I was a kid, so now it's more shocking when it happens. I mean, I cannot dissappear. I can't afford to. I think about what I could do, but I don't want to do anything. I feel like I sound like a commercial, but I actually feel very freaked out all the time. I'm at once all hyped up and exhausted. I just want to sleep. I don't want to do anything--even good things. I can't find my keys and I can't do laundry without them. I don't want to go back to work--ever. I wish I could be alone. I need to spend more time alone. I feel very drained and blah. I should get up right now and do something productive, because I have to work in the morning and I will be screwed if I give in to this. I hope it's not too late. I need this to be over now. I don't have time to wallow in anything. Besides, no one likes a person that's ridiculous and unmotivated and depressed and non-productive. No one. I only have the things I have now because I have learned to blow through this shit. So. That's what I'm going to do. Right now. I will get up and have a positive impact on something and then I will read and then I will go to sleep and wake up and be normal and go to work.

10:28 p.m. - 2003-07-13
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