chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Life is Perfect

The night before last I was feeling really mushy, partly because I was doing pills, and partly because I was tired, so I wrote Paul a very cheesy letter. I spent the whole of yesterday sweating it, even after I got a message from him right before he was headed to work on my voicemail saying, "I really, really, really, really miss you!" I knew that if he could he would be checking his e-mail soon ater he got there, so the second I got home I ran to the computer to see what he had wrote. His letter said that I'm the only girl he wants and he spends all his spare time thinking about me and that he misses me, and it was about three times cheesier even than mine! I was smiling for like and hour after that, because I couldn't stop. He'd said he would try to call me at one my time, but by one-thirty I was wiped out, so I just went to bed.

At seven-thirty this morning he called me and we spent a long time talking about sex and more about missing each other and he even spent some more time reassuring me about his fidelity.

It's really amazing how much my life has changed since I met him. Even during our first night together I could tell that he would be important to me. He has this way of saying things that you would never believe coming from anyone else, but that he really means. I feel really bad in a way, because he really does spent an exorbitant amount of his time reassuring me, and the reason I have so many doubts is because of H, but he never spent any time reassuring me, and he was never honest or up front about his feelings with me. Paul really is just different, and in a way, I feel different now for knowing him. I can't believe how lucky I am and how close I came to never knowing him. So I'm going to make one of my lists. It'll be "What might have happened differently" or "How close I came to missing out on this"

1)I had just found out about H's new girlfriend a week before I met him, purely by the freak accident of him not hanging up his cell phone (what are the odds of that??). If I hadn't, I would have considered myself still H's and wouldn't have considered a new boyfriend.

2)I hadn't planned to go out with Megan, because I didn't really like her, and she was off that day, so I'd been hoping she would blow me off, but she didn't.

3)She wasn't planning on going to Paul's at first, and it was his idea for me to come there, and for some wierd reason I wanted to, but normally I wouldn't have.

4)I drank his Vodka, which I don't normally do, because it makes me cry, and if I hadn't, I might not have bonded with him. He might have just given me a blanket and went to bed with Megan, had he not felt some strange sort of compassion for me.

5)The next morning he asked for my phone number and then after he told her he couldn't see her anymore, he called me and we went out. The reason for adding this one, is that he is a rare breed of honest man, and that deserves a spot on a list of unlikely occurences.

Okay, so basically all of the odds were working in my favor, which makes no sense, considering the nature of odds, but who am I to argue? I am right where I want to be in terms of who I am, who I'm with, and the direction my life is headed. How many other people can say that?

10:34 p.m. - 2003-02-18
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