chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Stupid nurses, steroids, and my sweet boyfriend

Yesterday afternoon I started calling all of my friends. The first one to call back was Kristin, and she said she would take me to the Dr., and eventually everyone else called back, which was really cool. So I get to the Dr., which requires an unimaginable amount of effort and I'm standing there wheezing so loudly I sound like some kind of awful musical instrument, and they tell me there's an hour wait. Now I'm pretty much ready to start crying, because all that walking, talking, and moving makes everything twice as bad, so when I sit back down, it's even harder to breathe. But crying makes it fifty times worse, and is not recommended. We went to Starbucks and had coffee and then back to the Dr.

The thing I hate the most about going to the Dr. is that it makes me feel all anti and I don't want to have conversations and I don't want to answer stupid questions and I don't want to argue with the Dr. or have to beg to be put on the medicine that I know I need. So I'm sitting in the little room and now my breathing is worse and all the moving has started some kind of coughing marathon, and the girl comes in (I was actually at the Dr. on her very first day, and I had taken a dislike to her from the start, but I definately now feel justified), and I was actually at this office four days before, and now she says, "Are you here about the cold?" Cold?? Is she fucking crazy?? I have fucking pneumonia!! What a stupid bitch, so I said,"(wheeze)IT'S (cough) NOT A (wheeze) COLD (wheeze cough cough cough wheeze)!!!" Okay great, and then it gets even better. She proceeds to say, "Are you having any trouble breathing?" Um yeah. Duh. Are you fucking deaf? On drugs? Or just completely moronic??!!! I could not believe her! I wanted to choke her, but if I'd tried, I'd have probably died before she did and that defeats the purpose, I think. Dumb fucking stupid fucking idiotic fucking BITCH! Okay I'm over it.

Then the Dr. comes in and now I'm really not in the mood to argue. I say, "I've been doing all the coughing, but I'm not sleeping, and I'm exhausted. Now I'm just too tired to cough, so I'll never get better. I need you to give me Prednisone," and then I realized it when she said, "This is pretty much at a critical point," that she was totally already going to give it to me. Yay! Also, she gave me this crazy cough medicine that makes me feel like I'm on Vicodin. Fun! So even though I'm pretty much deathly ill, I don't feel like it anymore, so I'm going to go to work, and I'll probably end up setting myself back and ending up in the hospital. But that's okay, because if I do, they pay me that day--my sick pay. So this way I'd actually end up with $112 more than if I took today off. I cannot afford not to have that money. Even though Paul (such a sweety!) said, "You can use some of my money if you need to." Can you believe that?! What a guy. But I'm totally not going to. I've been in tighter spots than this, and besides, I don't really want him getting too attached to the idea of taking care of me. That's the kind of person he is (and I am), and I know that people take advantage of that, so I'm purposely not letting him.

Yesterday he sent me an e-mail and a really sweet e-card. I miss him...

9:40 a.m. - 2003-02-11
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