chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Cramps and Chess

I got a message from H saying he still felt the same as he always did and he would gladly do the seven years of usness all over again. But considering he's the reason we're not doing it now, that really makes no sense, doesn't it? So I guess it's all lies and whatever. I mean, he wants to get something (a book of his) from me, which has, in the past, often led to us "getting back together"--having sex. Also he said call if I need anything--so he can be really nice to me in my own apt. and trick me into having sex. Damn, the world is seriously full of sick people. And I am apparently one of them. I mean, any dipshit could've seen all of this obviousness, but I never did, or didn't choose to or whatever.

Oh, and Paul did call last night, and he said he'll call me tonight, so maybe everything is not as bad as I thought.

But I talked to my brother today, the one that doesn't know about Paul because he's friends with H, and he asked me stuff like, "So what have you been up to?" and, "What are you doing in your spare time?" Which I can fully admit are normal, innocent conversation-type questions, but I don't think coming from him that they are completely innocent, and part of me wishes he would just admit it if he knows so I can stop worrying about it, but I'm too scared to ask him, because I don't think he needs to know if he doesn't and I don't think H needs to know because it's none of his business. And I am not playing anyone, because I already told H it was over and it isn't my fault that he calls, but I have not spoken to him since I told him it was over, so I am completely innocent and if I want to keep secrets about my life from people who don't need to know them, that's my business. But I always tell Paul when H calls, so I think that's good enough.

Tonight I'm meeting my brother for a game of chess, which is scary, because he is the one that taught me to play and I'm not very good. Blah.

12:42 p.m. - 2003-02-01
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