chalice26's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whining, pathetic child

I'm starting to do that thing that I do. That thing that'll ruin everything. That's already starting to. I think. But then how can I be sure if I'm making it all up anyway?

I spent all day yesterday hating myself. I think it's because he's leaving. Usually you're with a guy you like and you hope and hope that he won't leave, but I don't even get to HOPE for that, because he IS leaving.

So now I hate G.B. more than ever, not only because he wants this, but also because he never has to really suffer through it and actually experience it. My boyfriend, someone's son, husband, father. Yes, it's definately other people that'll suffer.

It started out with me being drunk and him being a good listener and a good kisser. For some reason he liked me, and so then it became soaking up all the kindness and interest. And then I started to fall for him and now I'm seriously hooked and I wish that I could've held off on that a little longer, because I don't know how bad it's going to get for him. I mean, I have promised not to talk about it, and I have not kept that promise. I'm like a pathetic, whining child. Maybe he is already looking forward to leaving just to get away from me. See how my mind works--even I know that's not true, but somehow I believe it anyway.

I have got to get it together. I am better than the way I'm acting. I will turn things around.

1:08 p.m. - 2003-01-18
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Left - Right