chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Wasted and wounded

I got drunk and left a message. I don't know what I said. All I remember is a lot of crying and something about just wanting him to be happy. Ugh. Oh, and I kept on until the voice mail cut me off. God! I totally suck.

Aside from that momentary lapse of concentration, I have been surviving via xanax and vicodin. Oh and rum and wine. Cool. I figure I can douse the pain until it ebbs enough for me to be able to survive without drugs. I'm just not too sure when I think that will be.

The world is filled with couples, and right now they all seem to contain at least one girl that looks better than me. I have zero self-esteem right now.

I imagine his girlfriend is probably some perfect hippy/gothic girl with lots of piercings and tattoos who rides motorcycles and sky-dives for fun. Undoubtedly she graduated from college and majored in something like music production and plans to mix for a living. I'm sure she probably plays an instrument and was some kind of savant as a child.

Okay, enough about her....back to me. I am lame. I never finished college, and I don't know shit about computers or music, and I like to drink and play pool for fun. I don't even drive a car! It's really no wonder he chose her over me.

Someday I will look back on this day and think, "Wow I am worse off than I thought." Thank God for drugs!

1:04 a.m. - 2002-12-14
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