chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Big Fat Loser

Last night I got off work at seven. My big plan was to make some popcorn and watch a movie. So, I made the popcorn, turned on the movie, and then Julie called. At first I wasn't going to answer, but I went ahead and pushed pause, picked up the phone and said, "Yellow?" She said she was getting off work early and should be at my house in about a half hour. Okay. I said, "Why are you coming to my house?" And she reminded me that we were going out to see male strippers. Oh, right. How could I forget?

So I spent the whole night trying NOT to get a lap dance, and it was all crazy and strange, and guys with their dicks flopping around in g-strings is not necessarily what turns me on, but I did have fun. The dick flopping thing was really quite amusing.

Theoretically the night could have ended there, but oh no. I got really hammered, and so when this guy who drove me home wanted to come inside I didn't really think anything of it, and then I didn't really think anything of inviting him into the shower with me. Yikes! Luckily nothing (else) happened. And he has a girlfriend so he won't tell anyone. Not that there's much to tell. He saw me wash myself. Good for him.

I really need to stop doing crazy things like that though. I am not behaving like a person with and sense of self-preservation. There's a pattern to it, and I can see when situations like this will happen. It's always when I stay longer than my friends, which I normally don't do, and so the wanting of it should in itself be a warning signal that I'm about to do something moronic. I always say, "It's okay. Go. I'm totally fine." Yeah right. Not quite.

Today I just feel shitty. I hate hangovers enough alone, but the regret and irritation that comes from acting like a total idiot adds a whole other element to them. I really wish I would stop acting like a big loser.

But anyway, I'm going out to see movies with Julie later, and that should take my mind off of my stupidity. I hope.

1:55 p.m. - 2002-11-05
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