chalice26's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Screams and Karaoke

Yesterday I went to the fair. My friend wanted me to go on a ride called Ejection Seat, but I really didn't want to, because I was too scared, and it cost twenty-five dollars, so I let her talk me into the Extreme Scream instead, which I didn't want to do because I was too scared, but it was only ten dollars.

I have this ability to do things I don't want to do by talking myself into the first step, that way I don't think too much about it, and I don't feel too intimidated. In this case, the first step was sitting in a chair. I can do that. Anyone can. So I sit in the chair, and my friend says, "Are you nervous?" And I say, "No." (I'm just sitting in a chair, what's to be nervous about?) So it starts to go up, and there is a harness over your shoulders and instinctively you want to hold on to it, but I was aware the whole time that it was the only thing holding me in, so I tried not to touch it. So we get to the top, and now I'm thinking, "I can't do this! Get me off! Oh my God! Oh my God!" And there's this horrible compression-brakes-times-a-thousand sound, and then you're sitting for ten seconds.......at the top.........waiting to Die!!!! And then it falls. I mean FALLS! I've never had a free-fall experience before, and I don't think I can imagine anything scarier (in the context of fun, I mean). My ass was like four inches off the seat and I had flown up to the top of the harness, and my stomach was in my throat. I really HATED it. But, after I had a buzz for like five minutes, and now I can see why they compare it to having sex. I really felt amazing, and I looked up at the Extreme Scream after, and was proud of myself. Even though I really wasn't ever brave enough to do it, and now have no desire to do it again. Although if I ended up in the situation again, I probably would.

This all ties in somewhat to what I have planned for tonight, the fear factor I mean. Tonight is Karaoke. I have lately begun to sing, not because I sound good, or have talent, but because, for some reason, if you go to a bar on a Karaoke night, even it it's just a coincidence, you are expected to sing. It's like it's against the law to be around a Karaoke machine and not want to get up and dazzle everyone with your (lack of) singing ability. And even though I completely suck, people seem to want to hear me sing--I really think it's sad, but it's one of those things where you say, "Okay I walk up to the stage and grab the mic. I can do that. Anyone can." And then the music starts and you say, "Okay I read the words on the screen, and then I can go sit down." And then you're almost done. But the difference between Karaoke and the Extreme Scream is the drunk factor. Alcohol diminishes the fear factor. And I'm sure I have never sung sober in a bar.

But I am on my fifth day of sobriety, and while I actually think it's good to do things that scare you, I don't know if it's always good to do them sober. So. What now? Tonight will be my first outing in an alcoholic environment since I quit drinking. I really, really want to be able to do this (the quitting drinking thing), and part of me wants to be able to sing badly in front of people sober. So I have to think of the first step, which is: get to the bartender before he pours my drink!

10:57 a.m. - 2002-09-22
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Left - Right