chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Looking on the less-grey side

On Tues we said goodbye to Lauren. I was pretty much destroyed. I hadn't really realized how hard it's going to be to live without the people who, for all of this year, accepted her, understood and listened to me, and in general, knew all about everything we're going through. It's going to be VERY hard.
She's going to school by herself, so I won't have any place where we can go be ourselves without having to apologize for it. Because I don't think it's cool to be like, "Leave her alone. She has Autism," I tend to say stupid shit like, "Oh, she's tired today, or feisty, or cranky," or whatever. People are always saying, "How old are you?" (blank stare if they're lucky) or ,"Hi," (nothing). I guess I'm going to miss that little bubble where nobody asked stupid questions or said stupid, ignorant things, and where I didn't have to apologize or say stupid things.
I keep being told to go to a support group, but I don't want to take time away from her for myself. What I'd really like is if there were a kid sharing group where all the moms got together to take care of the kids and one mom got that day off. And then every week or whatever a different mom got a day off, but the other moms wouldn't be overwhelmed, because they'd be together. Win/win...
For now I'm just going to try to look at the bright side and admit to how much I need to not have to do this ALL THE TIME (except when I'm working). I'm going to start a diet/exercise program since my back is getting better and my weight is going down, and just be really focused on actually accomplishing things that I can never do because I never have a minute to myself.
Besides, I met her teacher and she's really great and her speech therapist is really good (OT, not so much). So, there are still many good things going on.
I feel like I'm growing up and leaving the nest too...it's probably always this hard. I hate being a whiner. I hope it stops soon!

12:57 p.m. - 2008-09-25
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