chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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Sometimes I can't

I've been pissed off for so long that I don't remember how it feels to not be anymore.
I decided today that I can't live in the moment now. I have to have a future in mind, just to get by.
Nobody is looking out for number 1, including me. That's just stupid. Last night I realized that.
I have to try to remember what makes me happy, so I can do it, so I can be happy.
John has so many people looking out for his happiness that he feels like it's ok to be shitty to me.
Luis is so busy doing Army crap that he feels like I should take care of her, the house, myself, and everything else so he can rest.
I haven't had sex in a long time.
I can't believe how fat I am.
My life is ridiculous, and I can't do it anymore.
When she goes to school, I will have time for myself and I have to use it to get the house in order.
I also have to quit eating so I can be thin again.
I can't be happy if I'm not thin, so that is the first step.
But I can't...

8:52 p.m. - 2008-09-21
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