chalice26's Diaryland Diary

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No longer a ticking time bomb

I tried to wean myself off of the anti-depressants, because I noticed that I had a mini devil on my shoulder telling me to do stupid bad things all the time. I woke up one morning and thought, "I could have a drink." So for a couple of days I took my pills much later in the day and noticed that I was back to being sluggish and incapable. That wasn't going to work at all. I decided that I would try turning that devil into an angel and giving myself good ideas instead. It seems to be working. I've been back on my diet (for real) for three days and I've started working out again. I've already lost three pounds...of the ten I had recently gained. I've decided that the pills are motivational and I get to pick the direction they take me. So I have.
Her eval is today. I'm really nervous. I can't help it. I don't like having to tell the truth about everything. It's not something that society teaches us to do, so it doesn't come very naturally. Plus, nobody likes to say negative things about their kids. It's just mean. The good thing is that Luis started fighting for us at work and they're letting him come to the appt. I was so nervous about going alone.
I'm going to dress her up really cute and hope for good things.
John's coming tomorrow. I hope he thinks our house is nice. I'm sure he will. I've very sensitive lately about being judged. I hope that goes away soon.
Mom is coming back up for Christmas. She gets here the day after my birthday on the 23rd. That'll be cool. I like distractions lately. Normally I hate them, but I guess I'm changing again...hopefully for the better this time.
I saw a bunch of pics of me when I was young and cute and I really felt like I wanted that back. I don't think I've had any specific goals in a long time. I want to weigh 175 on my birthday. I think it's possible. But I'm going to have to be perfect and eat right every day and work out every day to get there.
I don't have any plans so far for my birthday and now Christmas is a little up in the air. I don't think Luis wants to go to Grandma Sherry's this year, and Art's not going either, so maybe I'll invite him over here and we can just have a little quiet cable and beer night!
I guess I had a lot to say today. I haven't in a while. Oh, her table and chairs came today. I'm hoping I won't have to fight too hard to get it built. The UPS man put it on my back deck and knocked on my back door and scared the shit out of me, but it was nice of him to do that, because it's so expensive.
I better get her in the bath now...it's countdown time!

12:08 p.m. - 2007-12-04
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